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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

I am not young enough to know everything.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

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Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Take responsibility for their own life, if you do wrong, no matter what time, as long as you are thinking of repentance, there must be saved.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

I really like it when folks get together and share thought,is worth us learning

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Your way of thinking is new, perhaps this is the key to look good, here need such articles.oo
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

I found your article is very interesting and learned a lot about it.Hope to read your post again next time.thx

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

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A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Never do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset.
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